You know, it’s funny sometimes how you can hope for a bad test result. When you’ve spent months or years knowing that something is wrong, but never knowing exactly what is wrong, you can get to the point where you’d just be relieved to have an actual diagnosis. I’ve always empathized with people who have lupus or fibromyalgia or one of those other “invisible” diseases, because I’ve heard their stories of waiting eons to be definitively diagnosed (and often even then not having good treatment options).
All told, I only went a few months with severe issues with Addison’s before a brilliant neurologist managed to think outside the box and diagnose me. So I have struggled with nothing compared with those who had to endure years of pain and/or debilitating levels of fatigue before they could finally get a doctor to take notice. But now that I’m in that position, and waiting for the results of a plethora of labs that were drawn the other day, I totally get the idea of wishing for something to show up. It’s not like I want to have yet another crippling life-long disease. It’s just that I know there’s something wrong, and until we put a name to it, we have no idea how to treat it. So I’m not really sure if most people can understand how disappointing it can be to have the doctor’s office call and say everything came back “normal”. “Normal” people are relieved when that happens. But for us living in the unknown, yes there’s a measure of relief (oh good, it’s not lupus, MS, etc) but there’s also a huge letdown. Because you were hoping that this time we’d ordered the right test. This time we’d have an answer.
So when people ask how they can pray for me, I have no idea what to tell them, other than I just want answers. I don’t want the doctor’s office to call and tell me everything is fine, because I know it’s not. So if you’re thinking of me today (or praying), that’s what I’d wish for: to know what’s wrong, so I can tackle it head-on and grind it into the dust. (Insert inspirational montage here)
Chime in and vent in the comments below, guys!