There are some great ideas in this article on parenting. There are so many challenges in parenting, it’s always nice when you can find some fun and easy things to do to make your life a little brighter!
Let’s talk about cooking for a bit, shall we? Imagine a big pot of your favorite comfort food slowly simmering on the stove. It might be stew, or chili, or potato soup, or gumbo, or veggie soup. You’ve been working on it all day, and you just taste tested it; it may be your best batch ever. Perfectly seasoned, perfect texture, perfect blend of ingredients. You can’t wait to sit down and have a nice big serving, maybe two. But then someone comes along and throws in a big chunk of rancid meat. Or a tiny vial of poison. Or a ladle of sewage. Suddenly you’re not so apt on eating that perfect bowl of comfort food.
There are a lot of phrases we use to symbolize this idea: one rotten apple spoils the whole barrel, a little yeast leavens the whole batch, etc. While I’m not sure it’s quite as absolute as my above example (would you just scoop out the offending item and eat a bowl anyway?), I truly believe that even little bits of negative garbage can have a drastic effect on our lives. And if it happens often, it becomes a real problem.
If we surround ourselves with people who put us down, put others down, or put themselves down, we’re going to end up being down. That’s just how it works. It’s even worse if WE’RE the person putting everyone down, including ourselves. Think about the things that come out of your mouth (or end up as your Facebook status): I hate my boss; he/she is horrible. I can’t stand so-and-so; they’re so intolerable. I hate my body; I wish x-y-z was different/prettier/better. The reason the country is being ruined is because of (insert least favorite politician here). If you find that statements like these outweigh more positive statements, you may want to rethink that choice.
Do you really want to be the one who chucks poison or sewage in everyone else’s stew? Do you want to continue to throw those things into your own stew?
Perhaps your boss IS horrible. But if you do in fact have a boss, that means you’re employed. And while circumstances are not an excuse for being horrible to another human being, you don’t know your boss’s back story. There may be something going on that is consuming his life right now, or something in his past that has left him like that.
Maybe your body is not exactly how you’d like it to be. Stop focusing on what you hate about it. Change the things you can (and be patient because it doesn’t happen overnight), and stop whining about the things you can’t change. Find something about your body that you really like, and think of that when another self-berating thought pops up.
I know everyone gets sick sometimes, and I don’t have the least bit of problem with the occasional, “Ugh, this illness is really kicking my butt” statement. But if every single post is whining about every single ache and pain, people begin to wonder if anything good ever happens to you.
And I said I was pretty much going to avoid politics on this blog, but I have seen so much negative garbage lately, it makes me ill. I have seriously considered “un-friending” some people just because their status updates are nothing but constant political poison. Regardless of your political affiliations, there are two things you need to get through your skull: one person cannot single-handedly destroy our nation, nor can one person single-handedly bring it out of the difficulties we’re in. Nobody has that much power. If you disagree, you were clearly not paying attention in government/economics in high school. I invite you to educate yourself–there’s this really cool resource called the internet that’s great for that sort of thing. I might recommend that you avoid sites that pat you on the back for spewing poison, though. That’s not really going to help the issue. Nor is it likely to educate you.
I’ll admit it’s not an easy habit to break. You have to completely retrain your mind. And hijack your mouth, most of the time. And then you’ve got to nail those internal thoughts as well. Like I’ve said before, you can’t control when a negative thought pops into your brain, but you CAN decide how long it gets to stay there, and whether it makes it out of your mouth (or onto your FB page).
While I didn’t make a New Year’s resolution (not really my thing), I do intend to continue working to improve myself in this area. I have a ways to go yet, but I think progress has been made. It’s very important to me that I am a source of positive input to my friends and family instead of being a constant rain cloud. Excuse my Pollyanna moment for the day, but I’d rather be a ray of sunshine.
One of my favorite quotes from my favorite episode of Doctor Who:
The Doctor, after Amy is heartbroken that they couldn’t save a friend: “The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice-versa, the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things and make them unimportant. We definitely added to his pile of good things.”
May I always be mindful of whether I am adding to others’ piles of good things, and may I not add to their pile of bad things.
I’m all for simplification. And it doesn’t get much easier than crock pot meals! Hope you guys enjoy some of these recipes–let me know which ones you like best, and I’ll do the same!
This is another great post by Becoming Minimalist. It helps to redirect the focus towards what really matters in life, not stuff, but people and our relationships.
“You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” – Kahlil Gibran
I have countless holiday memories. Most of them center around faith, family, and traditions.
Very few childhood memories actually include the gifts I received. I distinctly remember the year that I got a blue dirt bike, the evening my brother and I received a Nintendo, and opening socks every year from my grandparents. But other than that, my gift-receiving memories are pretty sparse. Which got me thinking… what type of gifts can we give to our children that they will never forget? What gifts will truly impact their lives and change them forever?
To that end, here is an alphabetical list of 35 Gifts Your Children Will Never Forget.
- Affirmation. Sometimes one simple word of affirmation can change an entire life. So make sure your children know how much you appreciate them. And then, remind them every chance you get.
- Art. With the advent of the Internet, everyone who wants to create… can. The world just needs more people who want to…
- Challenge. Encourage your child to dream big dreams. In turn, they will accomplish more than they thought possible… and probably even more than you thought possible.
- Compassion/Justice. Life isn’t fair. It never will be – there are just too many variables. But when a wrong has been committed or a playing field can be leveled, I want my child to be active in helping to level it.
- Contentment. The need for more is contagious. Therefore, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is an appreciation for being content with what they have… but not with who they are. (I think I know what he meant by this, that we should strive to continually improve ourselves, but I’m not sure I liked the word choice here. Our kids need to learn to love themselves just as they are, even though they know there’s always room for improvement and growth. We just don’t want to encourage stagnation.)
- Curiosity. Teach your children to ask questions about who, what, where, how, why, and why not. “Stop asking so many questions” are words that should never leave a parents’ mouth.
- Determination. One of the greatest determining factors in one’s success is the size of their will. How can you help grow your child’s today?
- Discipline. Children need to learn everything from the ground-up including appropriate behaviors, how to get along with others, how to get results, and how to achieve their dreams. Discipline should not be avoided or withheld. Instead, it should be consistent and positive.
- Encouragement. Words are powerful. They can create or they can destroy. The simple words that you choose to speak today can offer encouragement and positive thoughts to another child. Or your words can send them further into despair. So choose them carefully.
- Faithfulness to your Spouse. Faithfulness in marriage includes more than just our bodies. It also includes our eyes, mind, heart, and soul. Guard your sexuality daily and devote it entirely to your spouse. Your children will absolutely take notice.
- Finding Beauty. Help your children find beauty in everything they see… and in everyone they meet.
- Generosity. Teach your children to be generous with your stuff so that they will become generous with theirs.
- Honesty/Integrity. Children who learn the value and importance of honesty at a young age have a far greater opportunity to become honest adults. And honest adults who deal truthfully with others tend to feel better about themselves, enjoy their lives more, and sleep better at night.
- Hope. Hope is knowing and believing that things will get better and improve. It creates strength, endurance, and resolve. And in the desperately difficult times of life, it calls us to press onward.
- Hugs and Kisses. I once heard the story of a man who told his 7-year old son that he had grown too old for kisses. I tear up every time I think of it. Know that your children are never too old to receive physical affirmation of your love for them.
- Imagination. If we’ve learned anything over the past 20 years, it’s that life is changing faster and faster with every passing day. The world tomorrow looks nothing like the world today. And the people with imagination are the ones not just living it, they are creating it.
- Intentionality. I believe strongly in intentional living and intentional parenting. Slow down, consider who you are, where you are going, and how to get there. And do the same for each of your children.
- Your Lap. It’s the best place in the entire world for a book, story, or conversation. And it’s been right in front of you the whole time.
- Lifelong Learning. A passion for learning is different from just studying to earn a grade or please teachers. It begins in the home. So read, ask questions, analyze, and expose. In other words, learn to love learning yourself.
- Love. …but the greatest of these is love.
- Meals Together. Meals provide unparalleled opportunity for relationship, the likes of which can not be found anywhere else. So much so, that a family that does not eat together does not grow together.
- Nature. Children who learn to appreciate the world around them take care of the world around them. As a parent, I am frequently asking my kids to keep their rooms inside the house neat, clean, and orderly. Shouldn’t we also be teaching them to keep their world outside neat, clean, and orderly?
- Opportunity. Kids need opportunities to experience new things so they can find out what they enjoy and what they are good at. And contrary to popular belief, this doesn’t have to require much money.
- Optimism. Pessimists don’t change the world. Optimists do.
- Peace. On a worldwide scale, you may think this is out of our hands. But in relation to the people around you, this is completely within your hands… and that’s a darn good place to start.
- Pride. Celebrate the little things in life. After all, it is the little accomplishments in life that become the big accomplishments.
- Room to Make mistakes. Kids are kids. That’s what makes them so much fun… and so desperately in need of your patience. Give them room to experiment, explore, and make mistakes.
- Self-Esteem. People who learn to value themselves are more likely to have self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth. As a result, they are more likely to become adults who respect their values and stick to them… even when no one else is.
- Sense of Humor. Laugh with your children everyday… for your sake and theirs.
- Spirituality. Faith elevates our view of the universe, our world, and our lives. We would be wise to instill into our kids that they are more than just flesh and blood taking up space. They are also made of mind, heart, soul, and will. And decisions in their life should be based on more than just what everyone else with flesh and blood is doing.
- Stability. A stable home becomes the foundation on which children build the rest of their lives. They need to know their place in the family, who they can trust, and who is going to be there for them. Don’t keep changing those things.
- Time. The gift of time is the one gift you can never get back or take back. So think carefully about who (or what) is getting yours.
- Undivided Attention. Maybe this imagery will be helpful: Disconnect to Connect.
- Uniqueness. What makes us different is what makes us special. Uniqueness should not be hidden. It should be proudly displayed for all the world to see, appreciate, and enjoy.
- A Welcoming Home. To know that you can always come home is among the sweetest and most life-giving assurances in all the world. Is your home breathing life into your child?
Of course, none of these gifts are on sale at your local department store. But, I think that’s the point.
A week or two before Thanksgiving, I started feeling really crummy. While I never really got sick, per se, I just had no energy, was having trouble with dizzy spells, weakness, etc. I told myself I was probably just fighting off some infection or something (poorly, due to my pathetic immune system), and I’d feel better in a week or two. But it was the beginning of a gradual consistent decline. For a while we thought maybe the issue was a change that had been made in my medication, but it turned out that I had managed to contract mono (at my age!) from some unknown source.
As I wrote in The Four Agreements, by far the hardest point for me to follow is Always Do Your Best.
- Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to when you are sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
Yep, I suck at this. Royally. I don’t want to do Karen’s best. I want to do Supermom’s best. AND Superwife’s best. AND Supernanny’s best. AND Superdaughter, Supergranddaughter, Supersister, Superfriend, and all the other Supers. All at the same time. Without fail. I don’t care if I’m sick. I can’t give myself a break just because I’m sick!
Ugh. Alas, I was so dreadfully ill that I had no choice. I couldn’t do all the things I wanted to do. I couldn’t even do most of the things that I NEEDED to do. But that didn’t stop me from beating myself up for it. If only I was stronger, or tried harder, or pushed myself a little more….
So I’ve had to reevaluate what is critical. It’s especially hard this time of year. I usually make home-made Christmas cards, and some home-made soaps. Neither of those things are happening this year, and I hate it. But it’s just not physically possible. Intellectually, I know people will understand, but I still find it tremendously disappointing. I tell you guys that Christmas doesn’t have to be Martha Stewart perfect to be memorable, and I believe that, but I still find myself striving for that ideal. I have to constantly tell myself that my best today is not my best yesterday, nor is it anyone else’s best but my own.
If I get too down on myself, I actually end up accomplishing less than if I had just allowed myself to do what I am capable of, right now, in this moment. Maybe one day I will actually learn this lesson. I’ll keep trying. And I’ll do my best. 🙂
How about you? Does anyone else do this to themselves? Does it make you feel better to know that you’re not the only one?
I think this is a question that people often ask themselves, but tend to answer very superficially. In the article “What Makes Life Worth Living?“, author Dustin Wax reflects upon some of the things that are really important to us. With Thanksgiving in our so recent past and Christmas right on the horizon, and many friends doing the “30 days of Thankfulness” on Facebook, it’s nice and fresh in our minds. I don’t want to marginalize this exercise, because I think anything that causes us to focus on what we have over what we don’t have is a good thing. But let’s not let it be a superficial thing, or let it only last for the month of November. Dustin came up with these great points on what makes life meaningful:
- Creating: Writing, drawing, painting (though I’m not good at it), playing music (though I’m not especially good at that, either). For others, it might be inventing something, building a business, coming up with a clever marketing campaign, forming a non-profit.
- Relating: It’s not “family” that makes life worth living, I think, but therelationships we create with members of our family, and the way we maintain and build those relationships. Same goes for friends, lovers, business partners, students, and everyone else.
- Helping: Being able to lend a hand to people in need – however drastic or trivial that need may be – strikes me as an important part of life.
- Realizing: Making, working towards, and achieving goals, no matter what those goals are.
- Playing: Maybe this is a kind of “relating”, but then, play can be a solo affair as well. Letting go of restraints, imagining new possibilities, testing yourself against others or against yourself, finding humor and joy.
- Growing: Learning new things, improving my knowledge and ability in the things I’ve already learned.
I think we all want to live fulfilling lives, ones that make an impact, lives that leave a legacy after we’re gone. But sometimes we don’t really know how to go about doing that. It’s far too easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of daily life, especially this time of year, and end up just getting through instead of leaving our mark.
I know I am much happier if I have done at least something in one of these categories each day. Even on days when I can’t manage to check much off my “to-do” list, as long as I’ve done something fulfilling, I feel like I’ve accomplished something. And sometimes I have to celebrate even the smallest accomplishment.
I’d like to make two points here: First, let’s not beat ourselves up for not making every second of every day a Mother Teresa level activity. Everyone’s gotta have down time, and everyone has times when they feel overwhelmed by everything that they have to do. All the greats had their times of inactivity, and I’m sure they had times when they felt like they weren’t accomplishing much. Seriously, they were human just like the rest of us.
Second, on the flip side of that coin, I think it helps to evaluate the value of an activity based on its lasting worth. If I have an hour to spend, do I really want to spend it playing a video game, watching reruns of my favorite sitcom, or spending time with my family? My time is at least as valuable a resource as my money, and what I choose to spend the majority of it on shows pretty clearly what is most important to me.
Ultimately, I think it all comes down to balance. There’s nothing wrong with the occasional mindless activity that has no real value in the light of eternity. But if the majority of my time is spent on meaningless things rather than the things that will make a difference in someone’s life, I’m very likely to come to the end of my life with some pretty significant “death-bed regrets”.
So try to go though your coming days with this in mind. Take an extra second to hold the door for a fellow Christmas shopper. Make a call or send a message to a friend of family member you haven’t reconnected with in a while. Take time to recharge your own batteries so that you have something to spend. And give yourself the Christmas gift of reasonable expectations. A Christmas celebration does not have to reach Martha Stewart level perfection to be memorable. After all, it should be all about the time with loved ones anyway, shouldn’t it?
Merry Christmas to you all, and shower the people you love with love!
This is such a great article, I just had to share it. I have found time and again that the better I am at applying these principles to my life, the happier and more fulfilled I am. I’ll add my input in blue, as I have done in the past.
Truth hurts, but someone has to say it. Your life is what you make of it and the only person who can help you is yourself. If you’re ready to take personal responsibility and improve your life, I invite you to apply these seven harsh truths today.
1. No One Is Going to Fix You
If you are waiting for a knight in shining armor to gallop into your life and heal your broken heart, you will be waiting forever. The only person who can help you is yourself. Be happy for the other people in your life, but do not become dependent on them for happiness unlike (I think he meant “unless”) you like to be on a never-ending emotional roller-coaster that is far beyond the realm of your control. Are you alone? No, far from it. But no one is going to fix you, so it is in your best interest to take personal responsibility for your own life. When you do that, you’ll discover you are more powerful than you ever thought possible.
The original article includes a short video by Oprah Winfrey on exactly this idea. You CANNOT allow the entire foundation of your happiness to be based exclusively on one person, or their existence in your life, or their behavior. Nor can your relinquish control over your behavior and choices to someone else (ie, “so-and-so makes me angry, so I do “x” bad behavior”) I need to stress this one over and over again: NO ONE IS GOING TO FIX YOU. If you’re not happy where you are, it’s your job to do what you need to do to get where you want to be. Can you lean on friends and family for support? Certainly. But it is not their job to be responsible for your happiness or your perceived level of fulfillment. That responsibility is yours alone.
2. Life Will Never Be Perfect
If you are waiting for the “right” time to do something — pursue self-employment, begin a fitness plan, dive into the dating pool, or move to a new town — you’re going to be waiting forever. There is no such thing as a “right” time to do anything. This reaction is based on your fear-of-change, plain and simple. If you keep waiting for that mysterious “perfect time to act” (please tell me, when have you ever experienced such a thing?), this means you will never actually have to take action and confront your fear. Do the scary thing. You will be so glad you did.
This is hard. It’s hard to take risks, and so we excuse our inaction by saying it’s not the right time. There will never be perfect timing, with every variable exactly as you want it. Once you’ve decided it’s something you want to do, go after it wholeheartedly. Jump in with both feet. As Ms Frizzle always says, “Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!”
3. You Might Fail (a Lot)
If you attempt to achieve an ambitious new goal, then it is possible that you will fall on your face while pursuing said goal. Welcome to reality. It’s time to change your thinking about failure. It is not a big, bad thing that you should be frightened of. Failure is a learning opportunity and nothing more. If successful people quit pursuing their goal after failing the first time they tried something new, then there would be approximately zero successful people ever. There is no such thing as a “hole-in-one” in life. Do you want to know how many times I’ve failed? Over a hundred. The only reason I’ve managed to accomplish anything is because I am a firm believer in continuous improvement. If you fail in something, distance from the event for a day or two, because agonizing over the problem will not make it go away (and will make it a lot worse). Read a good book, catch up with some friends you haven’t seen in a long time, or go on a nature hike. You will be able to look at the issue with a fresh perspective. After you have done that, ask yourself: “Why didn’t this work out and how can I do better next time?” This process very well could repeat itself several times depending on the nature of your goal, but if you keep making a firm commitment to continuously improve yourself, you will develop so much that the only option left is success. Consistent hustle always wins.
Failure is not a big, bad thing that you should be frightened of. It is a learning opportunity and nothing more. I’ve said this many times about relationships, because even the worst relationship can at the very least teach you what you DON’T want. But it applies equally to every other potential failure as well. One of my favorite quotes from Thomas Edison is “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” (more quotes about being willing to fail) The biggest thing is that you do not let failure, even repeated failure, stop you. You may have HAD a failure, but you will not BE a failure until you give up completely.
4. The Past Is Already Written
Have you ever made a mistake so monumental that you wish you could go back in time and do it all over again? Join the club. It’s called being human. I know you might feel immense regret, but beating yourself up over something that is already done serves no purpose. Shift your attention to the present, where you can take control of your life and move forward into a better future.
This is not to say we should be flippant about the monumentally stupid thing we did, or refuse to apologize if it involved hurting someone else, but seriously. Ask for forgiveness, and give it to yourself if necessary, and move on. Try to think about how you would treat a beloved friend who made the same mistake. I hope you would be able to say, “Yeah, that was dumb. Just make sure you don’t do it again.” If you’re not capable of saying that to your dear friend, you have a whole other issue that needs to be dealt with. But often it’s harder to say it to ourselves. Self-flagellation can’t erase the mistake. We need to learn to admit that we had an attack of temporary stupidity and then get on with life.
5. Tomorrow Is Not Guaranteed
Steve Jobs said it best, so I’m going to defer to him for this harsh truth:
“Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.”
The next time you catch yourself playing the “I will do it tomorrow” game, remember that tomorrow is not guaranteed. Traffic accidents, heart attacks, and acts of violence do happen. Live in the present and take action today, because that is where progress happens.
This seems a little morbid, perhaps, but it really is true. Live like there’s no tomorrow. Love fiercely, and fight for your dreams. Don’t wait for tomorrow.
6. Just Because You’re “Busy” Doesn’t Mean You’re Accomplishing Something
If you like to brag about how great you are at multitasking, stop it, because you are only kidding yourself. Changing tasks without rhyme or reason is wasting your productivity, stressing you out, and possibly causing you to make mistakes. It will probably take you longer to complete two tasks that you are switching back-and-forth between than it would to complete each one separately. If you want to save time, instead of multitasking, try grouping similar tasks together. Have a bunch of e-mails you need to send? Do them all at once. Have an article or essay you need to write? Get it done before moving onto anything else. Different tasks require different mind-sets, so focus on one thing at a time. Being “busy” does not guarantee that you are doing something useful (it probably just means you are doing a lot of things badly).
I have a problem with this. If I do not stay focused on a task, it may never get finished. I’ll start something, and then get distracted by something else that needs to be done, and forget to finish the first thing. I find I am infinitely more productive when I keep myself on task, especially if I have a to-do list that allows me to tackle things in order of importance. I just have to remember to be pleased with what I have accomplished instead of fretting over the things that are left on my list. I like these suggestions for making a to-do list effective.
7. You Have More Time Than You Think You Do
You should eliminate the phrase, “I don’t have the time,” from your vocabulary, because it is profoundly untrue. There are 168 hours every week. Let that sink in for a moment. That is a monumental amount of time. Where could it possibly go? The average person spends 4.09 hours on leisure activities per day according to a survey by the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Most of that time, 2.8 hours per day, is devoted to the television. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think watching TV does much to help me grow as a person. You could spend that time creating art that adds value to the world, reading books that will help you improve your life, or exercising for a better body and health. The next time you say you “don’t have the time,” change your wording to say “it isn’t a priority.” No time to exercise? Your fitness isn’t a priority. No time to prepare healthy meals at home? Your health isn’t a priority. No time to do something nice for the love of your life? Your relationship isn’t a priority. It’s harsh, but it’s true. How you spend your time is a choice, so spend it wisely. You also might want to check out this article that will help you get more done in a day.
In some ways, this is just delving deeper into the previous point. There is an age-old adage that says, “Work smarter, not harder.” That is so true. By making sure that your time is spent getting things done that you really want to accomplish, you’ll find that there are far more hours available to you than you thought. Now, I’m not dead-set against television. Everyone has to have some down time, and veg out a bit. I usually prefer to do this with a book, but to each his own. However, if keeping up with the new episodes of the seventeen different series you “have” to watch is keeping you from getting done what you need and want to get done, it’s a problem.
But how do you decide what’s important? Ask yourself what you really want. Most of us are not at exactly where we want to be in our lives right at this moment. Perhaps we want to learn a new skill, train for a new job, start our own business, or whatever it might be. Think about the steps that are necessary to reach that goal. Spend at least a little time each day planning or working toward that goal. Chances are, that’s going to help you decide what to focus on. Think of your time as a valuable resource, and you are choosing how to spend it, just as you choose how to spend your money. Do you really want the majority of your time to be spent on things that will not help you towards your dreams?
And then the problem becomes whether or not we have talked ourselves out of pursuing our dreams, because they are unattainable, impractical, or just plain difficult. But I’ll tackle that one next time.
What do you think? Which of these points resonates the most with you?